I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
