i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
