i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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