woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
