JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
