Porn is love you can see.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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