You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
