dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
