hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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