I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
