So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
