I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
