Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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