Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
