Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
My bed smells like the plague
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
