never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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