My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
