My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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