whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
