i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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