So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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