Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
