i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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