is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
