Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
