I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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