dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
