need another drink. this is the easiest way
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
