do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Randomize
