I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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