she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
