I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
