girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
