we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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