my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
