I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
