They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
