i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
