I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
