pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
