i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Drake has all the answers
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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