Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
