I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
