My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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