Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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