She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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