Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
This baby is an asshole
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
