apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
