nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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