i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
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