Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
