Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
