Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
