dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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