It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
